For the nth time, Jack and I broke up. It's the third time this month, so many times before that and I think I'm getting tired of him. It's his ego again, just because he became student president doesn't mean he can boss me around. Our last conversation went this way:
"Would you please grow up Taylor and just carry my bag to the gym without all that whining?" he said.
I replied with a frustrated "Well why can't you just carry this stupid bag so you won't hear my whining?"
“Stop being so childish Taylor. I can't be seen carrying a bag as the new student body president"
He shot me a look of irritation, and I wanted to whack him in the head so that he can remember who his campaign manager was. Who made his ridiculous posters? Who edited his corny speech? So I answered back "If that's the way it's going to be then I'm tired of carrying around your luggage!"
I turned around and started to walk away when he ran after me and said
“I’m sorry Tay. I'm such a dork. Come on babe." I felt like I was about to vomit, he knows how I dread being called babe. So I looked at him in the eye, and said
"Don't you dare call me anymore. I need space from your ego."
So I left, and as I walked away, feeling triumphant, and I suddenly felt that I needed someone else, that our relationship was getting nowhere.
The days that came after "the fight", I tried to focus on other things other than Jake. Like trying to find a new guy. But heck, how can I if I see him at class every day, see him during student council meetings, and we have to ride the very same bus ride home. He's so annoying! He keeps on texting me like a freak and keeps tagging me on Facebook with his corny poems. When we're on the bus, he keeps on staring at me. I told him to get the hell out of my life, but he keeps on holding on. He sent me a corny "I’m sorry" message through text, with flowery words, and I just had to delete the message. Gross. He knows I hate public displays or even private display of affection.
Ahhhh.... A new guy. Cute, nice and doesn't have a trace of a big ego. But, I keep forgetting his name. Was it Drake something? I don't know and I couldn't care less. I just need someone to distract me from Jack's big ego. And maybe I’d find someone for the long run who is able to keep up with my crazy antics.
"Can’t we work this out? Please? It's been a month." ah. That was Jack, actually BEGGING. Ha-ha. Maybe I could give him another...NAH! Let him suffer. He saw me earlier with Mark, I mean John, I mean Ted! I'm not keeping track of my dates. His face was all red and a bit of green with a bit of blue. So he looked like an almost rainbow. Ha-ha. Served him right.
He's becoming more desperate. He called me at my house, then he started saying sorry for all the things he did wrong. He actually had a LIST. The time we first broke up because he mispronounced my name when he dedicated me a song during prom was my favourite. He said "Thailor". Everyone laughed while I went up the stairs and let him eat the tulip he gave me. Served him right. Then, when he wore that ridiculous t-shirt I told him never to wear when we went out. I mocked him openly all the way home. I hated it because it said:" I'm with my honey pie" I told him, "Are you that stupid? You're so gay!" Then we broke up. Still we manage to get back together. This fight was the longest record so far, a month and a half. Huh. I kind of miss him.
After a week, he was so sweet to me, and I keep on telling him to stop sending me stupid poems. He kept on keeping it on places where other people could read it. I tried to pretend not to see it, but after classes, I always go back to the classroom and get them. He's such an idiot. But he’s a real cute idiot.
It reminds me how we first met, during one of those fun runs that aren’t really fun. They just use the money for the school, and we benefit from it because we get exercise, blah.blah.blah. We were both freshmen at that time, and I was just recovering from my gothic stage. When I saw him I naturally thought that he would have a girlfriend. Blonde hair, gorgeous looks, big ego, and a great body. But curiously enough, he didn’t. So while I was “running”, I didn’t notice my shoelaces were untied. So, Mr. Blonde here stepped on my laces, causing me to fall. He didn’t hear me when I called out to him because he was too busy listening to music. I threw a rock at him, and that got his attention. He ran back to me and said
“What is wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me? You’re the one stepping on shoelaces!”
“Maybe if you tied them, then I wouldn’t have stepped on them.”
I never thought that through, so I didn’t say anything. Then he noticed my bruised leg. When I tried to get up I noticed my sprained ankle, and I limped. Then he held me and said:
“Here, let me help you towards the paramedics.”
“It’s not your fault remember?”
“Yeah, but I just don’t want you creating a mess over the race.”
I tried to get away from him, but he was too strong. Finally I gave in and let him take me to the van. He left me alone after that, but I couldn’t forget the way he wanted to get away from me as fast as he could.
He wants to talk to me in person. Oh my gosh. I hate confrontation, especially with him because he knows how to make my knees bend. He's that good. His friends looked like grinning freaks, and they actually stayed at the side so that they could hear what Jack and I are going to talk about.
"Taylor, don’t you love me anymore?" he first asked me.
I love you dork, I just can't tell you. I thought.
"Why, does it matter?" I blurted out.
"Because, I love you Taylor, more than anyone else." he looked serious, I wanted to laugh at him. But I suppress the urge, and replied
He stared at me, and then replied
"Because you give me every reason to. You hate all my stuff, but you still love me. You"
I cut him off "How sure are you that I love you?"
"Don't interrupt please," I had to close my mouth as he continued.
"You want me to focus all my attention on you, you even moved my basketball practice on days that you're too lazy to hang out with me. You like to push my friends away because you say they're too clingy." This comment made his eavesdropping friends give me an angry look. "You always have this talent of making a beautiful day ugly because you want that you're the only beautiful thing I see." I smiled at that, but I had to quickly erase it so he wouldn't see it. Sadly, it was too late. “Did you just smile?" he asked, showing his own smile. "No I did not." I tried not to laugh, because I sounded like I was flirting with him. "Aha! You did smile!" We both laughed this time, and he hugged me. Did I have to remind him I hate displays of affection? But, I needed to hug him back, because I really missed his antics. We're back to this, again.
The next day, we went to the mall so I could buy him something decent when he comes to meet my parents this weekend. I threw away all his shirt and jeans leaving his bedroom a mess. "Come on, your parents won't judge me because of how I look like. They'll love me like you did"
I raised my brow at him and said "You're right. I DID love you. Right before you said that last comment."
He laughed and said,
"How can I even pay for all if these? I quit from my job last month."
I took out my wallet and took out a credit card. “That’s because you're so lazy. I’ll pay."
He peered at the card and said "Hey, that's your dad's credit card." I told him to shush, and then paid for the stupid clothes.
I drove him home, and on the way, the car suddenly stopped. I checked the gas meter, and saw that it was empty.
"Jack, come here. Why the hell is the gas tank empty? Didn't I tell you to fill it up?!"
He looked at me and said "No. You never said anything."
I shot him the look that said 'are you that irresponsible?' I sat quietly in the car, trying to give him the cold shoulder.
"Hey, are you ok?" he asked when he sat beside me. He got out again, got something from the back of the trunk. It was some kind of jug, and then he walked to the front trunk and filled up the gas tank. I stared at the gas meter going up, almost full. He got back inside, and then told me to turn on the car. Miraculously, the car started, and he closed the trunk.
"Are we okay now?"
he asked as we drove back to his house. I kissed him lightly on his cheek then I started complaining about how the car was so small and that I needed him to buy me a new car for my birthday so I won't kiss anyone else. He smiled, looked at me and held my hand.
“Hey, I'm driving, you want me to veer into an accident coz you're holding my hand? Geez." I shrugged off his hand and smiled.
That's just me and jack, hot and cold, yes and no. I drive him crazy, but he drives me crazier in love. We're the almost perfect couple, and the almost disaster couple, but we still love each other still.
But lately something has been bothering me. I can't avoid it, and I'm afraid Jack would see it through me. I can't fight it, and it's irreversible. I can't tell Jack yet, but I will. Eventually.
"Seriously man? Why can't you just loose that girl? She's so bossy!" I should have been used to Nathan’s comments about Taylor, but lately he's been talking about her more often. "She makes you look like her maid or something. You need to take power man. You're the new student council president; you don't need a girl like her." That was the final straw. I love having Taylor boss me around, but when my friends say it's too much, I just can’t bear the thought of looking like my girlfriend's maid.
Stupid, stupid, STUPID! Taylor came with me to the gym earlier. On the way, I kept thinking about my conversation with Nathan that I took it out on Taylor, big mistake. The next thing I knew, she was screaming at me and she was starting to walk away. I ran after her, but she gave me the stare that could have sunk titanic's ship. I apologized a million times, but she just pushed me away. STUPID! Note to self never listen to single people!
I told my pals about it, but instead of helping me find a way to get back with Taylor, they celebrated. They bought beer and chips and told me it was bachelor night.
"Leave me alone man. I love Taylor."
I stood up and began to leave. I know those boys will forgive me someday, but I wasn't so sure about Taylor doing the same. I need to step up the game.
The next few days, I kept a safe distance from Taylor, but still I can't seem to avoid her. It's like destiny is pushing me to her. So, I started sending her small poems, making my Facebook statuses obvious so that she was sure to see it. But what do I get? Being pushed away farther. I need to woo her again.
I just bought Taylor a new bracelet to replace the one she threw at me during class earlier. It got shattered into pieces, like she actually cut the pieces herself. It had our initials, so I had another one made just like it. As I headed out of the jewellery store, I saw Taylor waking on the other alley with another guy. I stared at them as she got to the guy's car. Blood rushed to my head, and I felt dizzy. That guy doesn't have any right to be with her! He hasn't gone through all the humiliation she made him go through just to prove he really loved her. I’ll get her back.
It was only a 3 years ago when I first met Taylor and it was definitely NOT love at first sight. She was gothic then, still finding her true identity. She was so tough, so lonesome. She loved black, and every day she liked to get mad at someone. She was still struggling because her parents just had a divorce and I was trying my best to avoid her. It wasn't until last year, when she bloomed into someone else. She began talking and actually communicating to other people. She began to wear other colours, and began participating in different activities.
Then the guys dared me to ask her out. I recently broke up with my ex, and they wanted me to try someone else. It went great at first, but then she found out it was all a dare, and tried to break it off. But then I already grew attached to her, and begged her to stay. But then she began to act weird, always paranoid that I didn't love her. She became someone else again, she began to always test my patience and piss me off. But I grew more in love with her that I couldn't bear the thought of my life without her. Every time we broke up, I always try to lower my pride and be the one to say sorry. But this break up was killing me, shredding my very being when I can't spend a day without her. I need her back.
After almost 2 months, she still wouldn't budge. She still couldn't forget everything I've ever done. She actually made a blog about all the words I always mispronounce and misspell. Then she started writing about all these guys she's been dating, all whom made me vomit at every cheesy description. I knew she didn't write the entry as she hates cheesy words. She's just trying to make me jealous. And why would this pretty face of mine be jealous of some rebound guy? Ha. (Hide jealous streak)
One night, I couldn't take it anymore. I dialled Taylor's number and waited for her to pick up. When she did, I took out my old notebook and started saying sorry for all the things I've done wrong. After the confession that actually lasted two hours, she finally got her turn to talk. "What are you trying to say here jack? That we need each other? Because we're perfectly imperfect? That we still love each other even though we make mistakes? I don't need this drama" then the line went dead. I don't know what else to do or say to her. I miss her badly.
My friends cajoled me into going to blind dates, trying to help get my mind off Taylor. Last night was a disaster, as I realized later that I sounded like the needy boyfriend. A needy EX-boyfriend. There was this one girl, Cris, who was a complete opposite of Taylor. She actually loved romance, liked reading books and didn't spend too much time on technology. She was so nice at first, but kissing her was like kissing a dead body. She was a bit conservative when it came to a simple kiss, and doesn't like being messy. I missed being snuggled up with, though I get my ribs hit, at least Taylor knew how to kiss. Huh. I miss her more.
I felt guilty about dating someone else even though I still loved Taylor, so the next few weeks, I wanted to go personal again with her. I sent her short poems, in places she was sure to notice. But she always seems to have the upper hand, always trying to find a way to avoid my poems. Huh. But I guess someone else is enjoying my poems. Because every time I go to the classroom to take back the poems, they were always missing. Good thing someone appreciates my poetry.
"Come on. Don't tell me you’re afraid of her NOW. You've been with her for almost a year, you know her." Against all their will, my friends told me to try to get back with Taylor, like I haven't tried that one before. They say confront her face to face, that they'd be there behind my back. Ugh. I sent one of them to tell Taylor I needed to talk to her. She agreed. Maybe she thought of finally telling me I don't have a chance anymore. Here she comes. And there my heart goes. Relax, I tell myself.
I tell her everything I needed to say, with all honesty, though it was awkward with my friends around. During my big speech, I caught her smiling. My heart did a leap. At last, I thought, my one and a half month of torture is over. She's so cute when she denies she just smiled. My friends told me to kiss her already, but I just gave her a hug instead. Save the kiss for later.
That night, we went out to celebrate our anniversary. Did I mention that our anniversary was today? Well, Taylor still wanted to celebrate it, even though there's a 2 month gap. She said "It's still the same. We got back together, it's not like you asked me out on a first date." We went to this new restaurant in town, and bribed the receptionist because we "forgot" to make a reservation.
"So, what do you want to eat?" I asked her.
"You first." she said, still looking at the menu. The waiter came and I gave our orders.
"I thought I told you I wasn't finished choosing my order? What did you just tell that waiter?" she said, looking mad and confused at the same time.
"I didn't have to wait for you to tell me. I know you wanted the chicken" I knew it was her favourite, and I saw her features relax.
"Thanks." she said with a smile.
The night went great so far, and after dinner, we went home coz she needed sleep for school tomorrow. "Thanks for a great night Jack. Although the chicken was a little dry and the gravy tasted like a thousand years, I still enjoyed it."
I held her chin and gave her a goodnight kiss. I will love you forever, the kiss said.
"Whoa." she exhaled after the kiss.
"I’d say. That was the best kiss so far."
She looked at me and said, “Why, have you kissed that much girls?" she raised her brow as I jokingly replied,
"Yeah. But you're the only one who'll kiss me where I never want to stop."
She punched me lightly on the face and went inside.
"I love you." I said as she closed their door. I jumped in happiness that I almost tripped and land on a dog's waste. Ha-ha. Small price to pay for the happiness I’ve just felt.
A week later, she took me out shopping, after she almost destroyed my room looking for new clothes. While we were cruising around, I bumped into someone. It was Cris. Taylor was in the rest room, so it gave us time to talk.
"So, how are you?" I asked. Her face looked like it aged a bit, and it was obvious she was crying.
“What’s wrong?" I had to ask.
She started crying, and said between sobs,
“You know how frustrating it is, to spend a great week with someone, then you never call them back?Then you see them with another girl, just having the time of their life?"
Then, I suddenly remembered that I told her I'll call her, but I didn't actually mean it.
"Look, I'm sorry Cris." I said, trying not to sound shallow.
"Why did you even kiss me if it meant nothing to you?"
I stared at my shoes and said "I'm sorry. I just got back with my girlfriend. I...”
Taylor came from behind my back, saying "let's go Jack. Uh, who are YOU?"
Cris nodded at me and walked away. "Well she was rude. Who was that Jack?"
My gaze followed Cris' steps, as she sobbed.
"Why was she crying?" I looked at her.
"I don't know. She was definitely weird."
She looked at me with suspicion in her eyes.
"Are you sure you don't know her at all?"
I smiled at her and said, "I'm sure."
After the party at her parents' house, Taylor wanted to go to the park for the rest of the afternoon. I waited downstairs while she went upstairs to change. She came down five minutes later, light make up on and wearing a yellow dress. I've never seem her this pretty. She's always been beautiful to me, but she looked like a princess that any guy would be proud to show off to the world.
"You look so beautiful" I told her when she reached the bottom of the stairs.
"Thanks. You know I don't wear this often."
I nodded as we went outside. During the car ride to town, she sat quiet, like she's thinking about something.
"You ok?" I asked her.
"Um, yeah" she still looked sad, and when I held her hand, it was so cold.
"Are you sure you're ok?" I asked her again.
She nodded as she stared out the window.
I sit here in Jack's car, looking like a fool in a yellow dress. I try not to make it obvious that something's bothering me, but he seems to notice. He always seems to know what's up. Huh. I wonder what he is thinking about this very moment. I try to be as behaved as I could possibly do, and it wasn't so hard to do. I just keep on opening and closing his windows and turning off and on the air-conditioner of the car. Huh. Say something, whispered to myself.
"Did you say something?" He said, glancing this way. Huh. He knows me too well!
"Uh, nothing. I just hope it doesn't rain" I've been staring outside, and the skies were growing darker.
"Want to go home?" he asked, reading my concern about the weather.
"It’s ok. Maybe it will go away later."
As we got out of the car, I got out my umbrella and started walking towards him.
"Are you sure you still want to take a walk? I mean, we could always come here another time."
He watched the gray clouds coming in, so I answered
"Yeah. I need a breather." He smiled at me and said
"Feeling weird seeing your parents in one roof?" I looked at him, and nodded. We were by a big tree now, with a bench adjacent to it.
"Want to sit down?" he laid his jacket on the bench, as we both sat down.
"What’s wrong? I know something's on your mind. What is it?"
he looked at me intently as he waited for my answer. Ugh, why can't I tell him?
"I have something important to tell you," He seemed to hold his breath as he waited for what I had to say.
"Jack, I'm sick." he stared at me and asked
"What do you mean sick? You look fine to me."
his voice was full of concern. Ugh. I feel so guilty for pouring this to him! I looked into his eyes and said
"I have an irremovable brain tumour. And, I don't have much time."
The tears started to flow, while he took the news in.
Then, he started saying things like “What do you mean brain tumour? Like cancer?"
I nodded. The tears have flowed more.
"What do you mean you don't have much time? Are you saying you're leaving me in this earth dwelling, looking for lost love?"
I couldn't stop giggling from his statement, putting poetry in the things he say.
"What? You think I'm being funny?"
I nudged his chin up with my elbow and said
"I love you Jack. You know that?" tears started to flow again.
He drew me to his arms and said
"I love you too Tay."
he pulled me closer for a kiss, just in time before the rain started pouring in.
"I'll be here for you Taylor. Don't worry."
I assured her before she went in for chemotherapy.
Taylor's been crying since last week since she told me she had a 'sickness'. It’s been frustrating to always see her cry, but I needed to be there for her.
"Don’t worry about me. I'm afraid about you; maybe you'll get mixed up with a sex change patient for wandering around the hospital"
"That’s the Taylor I know." I thought aloud.
"What did you think? You've been dating someone else?"
she said in her sassy voice.
I gave her a kiss on the cheek right before the doctor came in. She gave my hand a squeeze and said
“Don't go wandering to some other girl's room okay?" she gave me a teasing smile as she got wheeled away.
It's been two hours; I'm still lying here in the hospital waiting for Jack. I kept texting him, but he doesn't reply. Where is he? I try to relax as the doctor instructed, but Jack's been keeping me worried. I fell asleep because of the medicine. I wonder where Jack is.
"Shhh. She's sleeping you guys. Don't make too much noise."
I gathered all of Taylor's friends and cousins for the past two hours. We decorate her room while she slept, looking like she's been worried or something.
A while later, she woke up, "Surprise!" Her face lit up and she smiled. I came round her bed and kissed her head.
"Sorry I kept you waiting. Your friends were hard to find."
she gave a small nod, and took in the sight if the room. It was full of get well soon balloons, flowers and pictures. Tears swelled in her eyes as I gave her a rose.
"Really Jack? A rose? How unoriginal can you be?"
everyone laughed as she sat up, arranging the flowers in the vase on the dresser.
After everyone left, Jack stayed for the night. He's been so sweet to me, and I'm learning to appreciate everything he's doing for me. It painfully makes me wonder what his life would be if I... Well, whatever his future will hold, I hope it will be the one I never experienced. Any guy would have left me in a heartbeat on knowing that I'm dying, but he stayed through. He's sleeping now, his hands on my bed, and I try to reach for the remote from the table in front of me. One move woke him up and he reached for the remote as if he knew what I was reaching for, like he read my mind or something, weird. Or maybe he was going for the remote, but then he saw my hand; so much for my fantasy.
The days that followed were a blur. I had to always be in time for chemo sessions, and sometimes Jack and I had to postpone our dates so I won't be late. Yet, he always understood. I had to stop going to school, because what was the purpose of attending a graduation day if you're rotting to death? Jack still went to school though, after I told him his life had to continue even if I wasn't there. I got in and out of the hospital lately, and I was getting tired of it. I begged Jack to take me someplace else, but he just loves me too much that he doesn't want me to die faster. Huh. It makes ME want to die faster.
"Come on. It's just the weekend" I cajoled Jack.
"I told you already, you need rest."
I felt frustrated after 3 hours of trying to convince him to take me out if town for the weekend.
"No. Can't you see your still here at the hospital, attached to 2 medicines?"
I shot him the look of desperation, and said
"Yeah. I can see that. You're not the one stuck here for more than a month."
I rolled my eyes and turned my back against him.
"Taylor," he walked to the other side of the bed. "Why do you want to leave so badly?" I looked at the ceiling so he won't see my tears.
"Because, I have only less than a year to live and I don't want to die inside this stupid hospital around a bunch of strangers!"
He held my chin and moved it towards him.
"You really feel that? Well, let me tell you my side"
he knelt down so we were face-to-face. "It’s frustrating to see the love of my life slowly being taken away from me." I stared at him and said
"Love of your life?"
he nodded and kissed me on the head.
Then I said
"but I don't want to be the love of your life. Cause I can't imagine you loosing me then you jumping to hell just to see me."
I turned to face the other side of the bed, and pretended to sleep.
She's got her back turned and been lying still for 3 hours, and I'm losing my patience. I'm getting tired of all her nonsense, and really want to talk to her already. I was about to go out the room when she sobbed
"Jack, what are you going to do without me?"
I got went to her side, and saw her tears. But as I got closer, I saw that she was sleeping, her eyes closed shut though tears flowed through them. I tried to wave my hand across her face to check if she was really asleep. She didn't blink. And so I kept listening to her murmurs.
"You’re full of hot air Jack. You're so full of it!"
I didn't need to hear that, so I started for the door again, when
“I love you Jack, In this life and the next."
It melted my heart, so I went back to her side of the bed. I stared at her features, her nose, her eyes and lips. I caressed her face then moved to kiss her on the cheeks. Just then, she punched me. She got startled as I was.
"Ouch. What did you do that for?"
I started to wonder if she was really asleep.
"For startling me stupid."
She opened her eyes and said
"What are you still doing here? I thought you'd be out already, looking for a rebound girl."
She raised her brow and added
"Or maybe you already found one and you weren't her type."
She let out a little evil laugh. I punished her with a kiss on her lips, and let her sleep.
I've been staring at the wall for the last two hours, remembering the words the doctor told my mom. I wasn't suppose to hear them talking, but I rolled my chair to the door. I took off all the wires from my body and slowly tried to walk to the door.
"She's been getting worse, and we've tried everything to help her stop the virus, but, things just turned for the worse. She has only less than a month to live."
All my plans, all my dreams, all crushed by a stupid sickness. My body collapsed to the floor, and I tried to crawl back to my bed. My mom heard the noise, and came rushing in to help me back to my bed.
"Taylor Johnson! Would you please be more careful? And why did you remove the wires? Do you WANT to die faster?"
I've never seen her crying before, and now her eyes were swelling with tears. I obeyed her and got into bed, realizing that it wasn't easy being the mother with a dying only child.
"I'm sorry mom."
It was all I could say, because I started to realize what kind of child I was. I hated her for making me leave my dad, but now I understood she only did it so I didn't have to grow up with my dad's drinking. A tear fell from my eye. She wiped it away and said
"No crying now, okay?"
Her voice was shaking, like she could collapse anytime like I did. I love my mom. I can't believe it took death to realize that.
Her last few days were counted. Jack gave her all his time, after he graduated. Everyone prepared themselves to whatever could happen. But the worst was yet to come. Taylor suffered a minor heart failure, but was quickly revived by the doctor. She was completely paralyzed now, and her medications were of no use. Finally, the doctor told them what they have been expecting
"She has only until tomorrow to live"
As tears flowed and words were preciously said, Jack stayed at her side, hoping that maybe she would wake up before saying his last goodbye. He took out his list, a list of all the best times they spent together. He spoke to her, hoping she was there to listen.
“Remember the time during Halloween when we dressed up as zombies? We scared the heck out of those trick or treaters that some of them never came back.”
He felt her hand move from beside him, and he caught a glimpse of her smile forming at her lips. He immediately ran his fingers through her bald head, and kissed her forehead. With tears in his eyes he said,
“I’m sorry for all the things I’ve done wrong. I’m thankful that I stepped on your shoelaces. I’m thankful that I was welcome in your life. I love you Tay.”
“Even when I’m dying you’re just so corny”
He looked at her in the eyes and saw that they were sparkling, and he kissed her lips softly.
"You're my light Jack."
"And you are mine."
“I love you.”
She said, smiling at him at the same time.
“I love you more.”
Jack woke up with a start. His alarm went off with a long beeping sound, and he lay awake, his head throbbing from his dream. He checked his phone, and for the first time ever, he smiled when he saw he had 50 missed calls from Taylor.